Chuckanut Brewery Sampler

Chuckanut brewery, their sampler... First off I want to say they have excellent salsa and were very friendly, their beer however...

Problem # 1: the sampler does not include all their beers, it cost me an extra $4 to try all 6 of their offerings.
Problem # 2: all of their beers suck. No really, they suck. They suck a lot. No joke. I expected a lot more from the Kemper's... Teh (yes Teh not The) Fail.

Their beers:
-None had much of a smell, none had any real body or any sort of head.

Rauch - Tastes like smoked salmon that has been marinated in root beer. Yuck.

Kolsch - Fantastic, you cloned Heniken, I hate heineken. I can't stand heineken...

IPA - Tastes like sour PBR with a horrible resiny finish. The Sierra Nevada pale ale i'm drinking to get rid of the taste of the Chuckanut beers has more hop flavor.

Vienna - Did I accidentally grab my water glass? You call this beer? Seriously, tastes like bottled water.

ESB - This was the best of their beers, but thats not saying much. Tastes more like a lager than an ESB. Brew Munkey MAD lager has more beer taste than this abortion of an ESB.

Stout - WTF. I can see through it. The porter I had at Birdsview on Friday was a million times darker and thicker. This looks like an amber, not a stout. It tastes like alskan amber and fat tire's bastard love child. I think this one disappoints me the most.

I can't remember the last time I didn't like any of a brewery's beers. I really hope you guys get things together and start making some beer that would make the northwest proud, and do it soon please!

Due to the unusual level of suckage this brewery has achieved I feel a second chance attempt is needed. Expect a second chance review in 6-8 months.